Laconic Verbosity

Booked..

2006-09-15T03:04:00.000+08:00

I don’t like tags. I blog rarely to start with, but to be instructed on what I should blog about; that surely cannot fly. Except that I loved this tag, I could not wait to start writing on the list below. So, here’s what I am going to do. I will continue to dislike tabs except the ones I like. The bloggers can tag me all they want, but I will only write on those tags that I want to. Savvy?

The list below is based on reasonably current reading. I do not remember what all I read, nor how I felt about it when I was much younger. I might have found Jack and Beanstalk stitches-in-the-stomach hilarious but today it’s a silly story about a very gullible country idiot.

Book that changed my life –I would have to say that it is not a book, it is a poem instead. IF by Rudyard Kipling. However, if I must choose some book, I’d pick the Fountainhead (not the entire series) by Ayn Rand. Not life changing, but the concept of objectivism was very alluring during teenage years.
Book you’ve read more than once – Several (Prescribed course books for English notwithstanding). Fountainhead – I got something different from it every time. A slew of Jeffrey Archers, Michael Crichtons, Frederick Forsyths , the brilliant Foundation series and the ‘Robot‘ stories By Asimov.
Book you’d take to a desert island – The biggest baddest Roald Dahl Omnibus of short stories I can lay my hands on. I’d probably return more cynical or if it is like one of his stories, it’ll more likely be dead. I will thoroughly enjoy my stay though.
Book that made you laugh – Surely you’re joking Mr. Feynman - Richard P. Feynman’s autobiographical reminiscences. You will laugh too, and loud, and learn that geeks are SO much fun. For a more British sense of humour, Three men in a boat, or for that matter even, Three men on the Bummel both by Jerome K. Jerome
Book that made you cry – None ever moved me to tears, well maybe War and Peace (but that’s for a whole different reason) but Five People you meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom was a touching story.
Book you wish you had written – The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy: A trilogy in four parts! by Douglas Adams. In fact, this will comfortably make it to the list that answers questions 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7(!) From the very concept of a babelfish, the ultimate answer to life, the universe and everything being 42 to humans being the third smartest creatures on Earth (after mice and dolphins) which in itself is a gigantic computer specifically ordered by Mice to answer the ultimate question. Enough Said.
Book you wish had never been written – Ulysses by James Joyce. How it can be voted 1^st among the 100 best novels in English in the last century is very honestly beyond me (but in all fairness, I have never managed to get past the first 20 very boring pages).
Book you’re currently reading – A short history of nearly everything by Bill Bryson. Its been a very interesting read so far. Oh, and H2G2 every night before sleeping – the mix of reading both simultaneously (not simultaneously but you know what I mean) is very potent.
Book you’ve been meaning to read – A Suitable Boy by Vikram Seth. It is daunting. Apparently, the longest single-volume novel ever published in the English language.

A horse for a donkey and some cash to boot..

2006-09-01T17:32:00.000+08:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/eng_prem/5297616.stm

Sweet!

Thought of the day..

2006-08-09T17:49:00.000+08:00

If wells were the only source of water, horses and giraffes would be extinct.

To Lebanon with Love

2006-07-18T13:18:00.000+08:00

Israeli girls writing messages on rockets ready to be fired on Lebanon

This is disturbing. An insane concoction of innocence and terror, with a good measure of irony. Strange letter to a pen pal..

The Monkey's Paw

2006-05-18T23:06:00.000+08:00

Pound for pound, they were better and it showed. They attacked with carefree abandon, and defended with their hearts. Once the playing field was cruelly un-leveled, the contest really begun and yet they drew first blood and held on. Their Talisman stood tall, and a fallen hero from the past redeemed himself. It was the day when the kings, a grinning maverick and a silent genius had a showndown; the grin was almost lost.

As they defended wave after wave, it appeared a matter of time before the dam would burst; It finally did. In tears.

We, ofcourse had gotten it all wrong. The prize was never to the winner. Not after that night when it rained relentlessly and bare truth was exposed.

Would the greatest reward there was, be ours, or would the man without whom, the mere imagination of the chance to achieve the reward, be impossible, stay. Mind you, they say, be careful of what you wish upon the Monkey's paw, but this is one price I am willing to pay.

Update: http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/teams/a/arsenal/4996270.stm
Fantastic! Ofcourse, I had no idea that the yes would come this early!

The avian revenge: best served cold

2006-02-28T21:04:00.000+08:00

The stench was palpable. The carcasses were strewn across the field. Some bodies were charred but most were simply culled. The scene was from one city; the pattern however was repeated almost all over the globe. They had just found out that the strain referred to as the common flu in homo sapiens had mutated..

What bad taste?

2006-02-08T16:47:00.000+08:00

It takes an article of this nature http://content-usa.cricinfo.com/pakvind/content/current/story/236128.html to irritate me sufficiently and get blogging again.

Mr. Haq,

You blocked the throw at the wicket with your bat (it was going on to hit the stumps), you were well out of his crease, heck, you weren’t even aware that there was a rule that obstructing the ball in this manner would get you out (and that’s when you had previously been given out for getting your body in the way!)

Now you say that the appeal was unsporting and that it leaves a bad taste in the mouth.

Mr. Haq, you want to know what an unsporting thing to do is:

India were chasing 279 in the final innings for the Calcutta test match in 1999. India were in a good position to win that match when Shoaib Akhtar got IN THE WAY of Tendulkar while he was completing a run and as a result he fell short of the crease and was adjudged run-out. Pakistan went on to win the match. Trust me when I say that it did leave a bad taste in the mouths of a lot of spectators (and they let it show in ways I do not condone) but noteworthy is the fact that the one person who it mattered most to did not utter a word about it. This is the same guy who walked away when he 'thought' he had nicked the ball while in fact he had not, and that’s just in the recently concluded test match.

In your case, you guys went on to win the match (whether you deserved to is a whole different issue, not relevant here) but you have the nerve to complain.

What can I say to someone who considers the following manner of being declared out to not be in the spirit of the game?
Handling the ball, hit-the-ball twice dismissals, running out a batsman while backing up

Can you imagine what will happen without these rules?

[Caution: extreme cases, but if you play to win, and the rules allow it, if no one else, the Aussies will surely be doing the following]

Handling the ball: Deadly spinner on the other end. No Problem. Catch the ball as he throws it and toss it over the boundary. Strong arms will get 6 byes, while the others (read bowlers protecting their bowling hand) will manage 4 byes.

Hit-the-ball twice dismissals: First attempt: Beat the ball to the ground. Handle the ball, in fact toss it up, and Second attempt: Knock it into the orbit.

Running out a batsman while backing up: Why don’t we just let the non-striker go ahead and get to the other end of the crease even before the ball is bowled? At the very least, it halves the run out possibilities (something you certainly ought to appreciate).

In your case, I cannot even say that this is a case of sour grapes. Whatever motivated you to say absolute nonsense like “I would not have imagined that Rahul Dravid and his team would do such a thing"? Your side is known to do worse, much worse.

55 words that broke the reverie

2005-10-04T00:12:00.000+08:00

He was slain for it. Just as she was before him. He wanted to avenge her death. She was a thrill seeker, it showed in her death. He on the other hand had waited till it was dark. To his credit, he drew first blood. Thunder clap. Smash. Agony. Splattered blood.

Damn these pesky mosquitoes.

Apparently None

2004-09-04T17:22:00.000+08:00

Turns out blogging isnt as much fun as it was made out to be. Apart from this immense lack of motivation of sharing personal feelings with the rest of the world, the other downsides include
- being labelled a nerd
- being called a girl (which would be alright if I was one or fancied being one. Neither is the case, thank you)
- realising that there arent enough hilarious things happening in your life to share.

By far, the last realisation is the worst. Trust me, the day I start pouring my heart out in a BLOG, I'd be suicidal. SO, this blog is about venting cynicism, satire, irony, and occasional homour (which would only occasionally be homourous).

So at work (yeah I work, and regret ever graduating) I get this email from a champion. No, I do not intend to be insulting - thats his title (Officially). The gist of the mail is that we should all switch off our PCs before leaving office to save the company some money.

Normally, I am exceptionally brilliant at following ridiculously mundane orders (like the one above - stating my sentiment up front) that simply cannot make a difference but this time around I thought to myself - wait a minute, the company's best interests are at your heart too. Don't just follow this order. RATIONALIZE (normally I can only appreciate that concept mathematically).

My Blogs will almost always have well researched references. In other words - I'm feeling Lucky in Google (a must try with a whole variety of phrases - it'll never cease to amaze).

So this website here http://www.techreviewer.com/viewpage.cfm/pi/29 details how much power is consumed by a state-of-the-art PC (which no office ever provides anyway) in a year - thats US$100. Only look at the conclusions people - saves a lot of time and helps you sound intelligent (or so I think). So lets say we give it to our champion that if we do not use PCs AT ALL, 40 workers will save US$4000 annually. Bravo!!!

But, that means every morning my chums and I will have come in, switch on the PCs and twiddle thumbs for 10 full minutes until the PC is ready for use. That includes launching the score tickers of all known sports including the 100 mile tortoise race in Guatemala. Now lets say average company pays its white collar IT workers an average US$3000 per month. 20 working days, 8 hrs a day. Do the math. Fine, here are the results - 160 hrs or 9600 minutes. Therefore 10 wasted minutes is US$3.125 per day or US$62.5 per month or US$750 per year. 40 workers wasted time worth US$30000.

I rest my case.
Long live corporate America.

whats the motivation?

2004-08-21T18:29:00.000+08:00

The purpose of this post is to allow me to preview this blog. Imagine!
The choices of blog names being the one I chose and PunKing (didya get it, didya??!!), you cannot blame me for selecting the former. I believe it was Oscar Wilde who once said that Puns are the lowest form of humour.

I'd have defended it myself but I really do want to preview this blog quickly and lately plagarism has gained more favour with the academics (I have professors who'll vouch for it) so here is a poignant article in the defence of the pun.

http://www.fanac.org/fanzines/Willis_Papers/Defence_Of_The_Pun.html

and some supposedly famous quotes to make this post appear intelligent -

EDGAR ALLEN POE SAID, "The goodness of the true pun is in direct ratio to its intolerability."
SIR HENRY RASKIN SAID, "If a pun is the lowest form of humor, it is therefore the foundation of all wit."

Welcome all ye guinea pigs. Let the experiments begin.
As Warner Bros would say now "Thats all folks!"